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2014 - Should I put a trigger warning on this?

I don’t see how having a child can mend a broken relationship, but I can clearly see how it can break it.

When we had Ian, we had been together for a decent seven years. That’s a lot of time by many standards! And still it was one of the biggest challenge of our relationship, because each of us have “luggage”.

For parents that come from emotionally unstable environments and have had a hard childhood - you got to see live examples of what not to do and all the repercussions! But how do you shake off subliminal information that you didn’t even know you were carrying around? You don’t! Especially if you don’t admit to having a problem in the first place.

You can work on it, but it’s as painful as surgery. It’s like taking out a big chunk of you. Are you ready to give it up or will it mess up your whole identity? 

In my opinion it takes patience and self control. Fight your first instincts - to say, to snap, to react! Pause! Create a filter of tolerance, but most of all… dig in deep until you find that inner child. Remembering how it felt and how it used to be like for you, will make a world of difference when you are educating your child. Practice will replace the reflex of being what you hated seeing when you were a child. 

Sometimes I feel defeated and the first thing I do is to look for books to guide me. They helped, but it’s a long, lonely journey… 

My years at home with the kids have taught me a vital parenting lesson - impulsive reaction are egotistical - patience is key. If I am short-tempered, it is definitely to my benefit and not my child’s. Such reactions cannot be educational. Not to say that I don’t get annoyed sometimes. 

Also… if there would be a second thing, it would be to choose your battles! For every one “no”, give at least five “yes(es)”. 

That’s just me,… still getting slapped with new information every day! 

The best thing I can hope for is that they will still like me when they’ll grow up and forgive my mistakes. At the end of the day, we are all doing our best, right?

You got this!