48/365 - Healthy Expression of Anger
Again, I’ve debated for along time with myself if I should post this or not, but at the end of the day, this whole open communication movement I started has been an amazing journey so far.
It has opened doors that I had no idea they were closed and has allowed me to feel closer to the people I am in contact with.
“Anything that is ‘wrong’ with you began as a survival mechanism in your childhood.”
This week has been particularly consuming for our household. An incident on Monday in my son’s school has pushed me to seek help and make a big formal complaint against the school he is frequenting. He is year 4 now and the bullying started in reception. Count with me, please: reception, year 1, year 2, year 3, year 4… Lockdowns and homeschooling were a big blessing, because one-to-one time has made a massive difference in his development, I dare to say he is lucky!
He was 5 when it started and we were still trying to figure him out. When you are a child it is hard to put label on things, that this and that are wrong, that you shouldn’t be hitting me and that I should be the one telling the teachers or my parents and not the other children witnessing, etc.
In year 1 he got a better grasp on communication skills and started telling us what was happening at school. Now he doesn’t shut up! I always say it takes a village to raise a child. So, when you hear that your 6 year old son was trapped in a toilet and then allowed to come out to be beaten by two other 6 year olds you expect that the the school is going to gather EVERYONE and show a very strong stance against bullying. NOPE!
The school chose instead to put him in a lego club at lunch time, to keep him away from the bully and after a little while they moved on. The teasing continued though. The bully was notorious for his behaviour, but he would always deny everything. It was getting too much so, I pulled my son out of school and I would have loved to keep him home at least another year, it was going great, but he missed his peers.
DLD affects about 7-8% of the population, but we as parents - we are not worried, we know he will be ok because this kid is freaking amazing!
One day two years ago, after an incident with the bully, I decided to take the matters into my own hands and stop the mother of the boy for a chat. I spoke to her about what happened on the day, but I also brought up the incident from the toilet. She said that her son was suspended after that incident, but that she was never told what happened and that she didn’t ask. Let that sink in for a moment, she didn’t ask…. She also said her son has a special situation at home and for that I have been so very patient, until I realised I might have been patient at the expense of my son’s wellbeing.
Ian has been back at school for a month now and on Monday the bully decided that it is ok to hit him with a stone and deny it. The teacher tended Ian with cold pads. It was only the two of them when it happened, but since the bully denied doing that, the teacher said she will open an investigation. Nothing was opened because the head teacher had no idea about the event. In fact, the head teacher apparently has been oblivious about what’s been happening ever since the toilet incident, for 3 years. But leaving aside managing skills and internal communication, if you are the head of a school and you hear someone is pulling their kid out aren’t you going to at least want to ask why and if everything is ok with the kid? I am asking for a friend…
After the incident on Monday, Ian was inconsolable and upset the whole day and instead of following the assignment, he chopped into tiny pieces a paper so, he ended getting punished too.
In my basic understanding of a kid's behaviour I am happy that he chopped a paper instead of doing some real damage, like I would like to do. Momma bear is up and ready! Are we trying to tell kids that being angry is bad and to repress anger is the way? Do we know the utility of healthy expressions of anger in mental health? Again, asking for a friend…
There are very few things that are off the table in my house, I always try to promote open communication. Is it working? I don’t know, but there is there is so much power in words and I don’t want my kids to miss out.
Sharpen your tools! Sharpen your communication and take control!
You got this!