11/365 - Compromise when you know it is worth it
September-October 2009
Those were the days when tea in the thermos and walks in the park were all that we could afford and whenever I think about that I smile. But there were also days when we were feeling resentful, stressed and sad.
When I would be at work Silviu would be covering, by foot, big chunks of London, going to every single gym. He would go in, look for the manager and ask how he could help. After too-many-to-count attempts, he got a job promise for when the visa would come through, at Fitness First near Oxford Station.
We managed to pay and secure a spot with an education provider and he was officially on the path to become qualified as a Personal Trainer in the UK, for both Level 2 and 3. There was light at the end of the tunnel! You had to be enrolled for at least two years and the school had to be in the Government’s register with same name and address to qualify for a work permit, Blue Card.
He is my husband and we have arguments, occasionally we annoy the hell out of each other and sometimes I want to punch him. But I do not, because I respect him. If respect is gone, the relationship is gone and that is all that I need to know. He has always been in the 5am club, for him not to have a job was a very big mental challenge, safe to say, for the both of us. It would have been fairly easy to get a job in construction, but after his back surgery it would have been a foolish idea. Needless to say, the room was spotless constantly and he was always waiting for me with a warm meal.
If I can pass on to my kids something when it comes to relationships it would be to be careful what you say when you are angry, never take the person that you are with for granted. Mean words hurt, they linger for a long time and they scar. Ask for forgiveness if you know you messed it up, take ownership and just work on yourself to do better. Being cocky is the best way to end things. And yes! Talk it through, talk, talk, talk, TALK!
As he was progressing with his course he had to go for exams to faraway venues, money was scarce so, one time he walked for 4 hours just to get there! I still cannot believe how insane that was!
In the meantime I was applying for jobs, I was now allowed to work even if the Blue Cards had not come through. One of my flatmates asked me why I am not applying for Harrods too. I was shocked, how could I apply for Harrods when I did not even have the courage to walk in and look around? But she did give me confidence and I applied there for several positions - randomly and greedily!
The Blue Card application came through and we were rejected. The education provider had changed venue two years prior and never updated in the Government’s register. We got a paper from the school signed with venues details and everything, resubmitted an application and…. then we got rejected again! More on that later…
In the pictures we have Silviu holding a broomstick, all around Westminster. It still cracks me up! He did not know where I was taking him and we stopped to buy a broom before. And yes, I knew exactly what I was doing! #cheeky
You too had to compromise, sacrifice and fight! But now you know the value of being relentless and that sometimes you have to just keep your head down and grind your teeth until things become easier. It will be easier!
You got this!
