12/365 - Help others when you are in a position to do so
A little bit too much to drink on Silviu’s birthday
September-October 2009
Most days I would walk to and from work to save money. Down through South Kensington, on Old Brompton Road, Gloucester Road, Earl’s Court, West Brompton all the way to the end of Lillie Road in Fulham. It was a long walk, but I enjoyed it, the architecture and the way the streets would blend into each other never ceased to entertain me.
The restaurant job was barely covering for expenses, but we were managing somehow.
This is a controversial topic for some and it will always depend on the situation, but I will say it.
We lived in Fulham for 15 months and I wish I can say that it was just the two of us most of the time, but we were asked for help and decided to lend a hand to some people close to us, people that we love and appreciate. We thought we had some sort of footing now so, we ended having company in our room at multiple times throughout our stay there.
Whilst it is a nice gesture to help, it is something I would probably do differently today - I would make sure I am ok first! Now, I would not accept to do something knowing that it could potentially break me down, but then, I think I did not fully understand what toll this takes. Maintaining my mental health and sharing my private space do not mix for me and along everything else that was happening it aded to the stress. Release the Kraken!
Visiting is fine and I love it, but sharing is hard. Actually, from early beginnings as a couple for about seven years before the kids arrived, we shared a house one way or another and I know too well what that entails for my state of mind, I become someone that I hate!
I am not sorry to have helped and I have no regrets, but now I would at least ask my self - what would it mean if I would say ‘no’ and try to help in other ways? I never did that. I used to think that that would make me selfish, now I know I am not, but everyone is free to think whatever they like about this, I still love you even if you do not agree with me… if there is some reasonable distance in between or homes.
Panic had set in, two rejected work permit applications! How can you get rejected twice on something so basic? You would think it would be easy: a business moved venue, it went from A to B! Same business, same object of activity? Yes! Bye, bye then! It turned into one of those endless communication problems. By a stroke of good luck we managed to get in touch with the UK Labour Affair Attaché at the Romanian Embassy. Silviu wrote on a Facebook group with Romanians and the man himself replied back. I cannot emphasise how helpful and professional he was! There was so much correspondence between us, him, the Border Agency and the school it makes my head hurt just thinking about it. More to come…
Respect yourself enough to not cross your boundaries and prioritise without guilt your mental wellbeing. You cannot help anyone if you are a hot mess and that is not a fair price to pay when helping. I got away without regrets, but I also understood that helping anyone without your mind and heart being fully invested into it will lead to bitterness, frustrations and without good communication probably to unresolved issues. No worries about me, I always speak my mind, actually, good luck making me shut up!
You got this!
PS: Shout out to my friend V, that has inspired me to embrace and accept lightheartedly this (probably) antisocial side of me.
